Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Well I'm Sure I'd Feel Much Worse If I Weren't Under Such Heavy Sedation

I like to think I've got a fairly high tolerance for pain. I have,for example, been known to insert my own sutures when I can't be bothered to stop what I'm doing long enough to seek professional assistance. (Scariest tool in the garage? The utility knife.)  But home surgery was child's play compared to what I'm experiencing now.

This is the kind of pain I didn't know existed. This is Spinal Tap pain. (Every two hours since I've arrived at the hospital a nurse has asked me to rank my pain on a scale of one to ten. My scale now goes to eleven.) This is the kind of pain that blocks out every other part of your existence. How old are you? Pain. Who do you work for? Pain. Where were you last Tuesday? Pain.

And I am clearly raising concerns. I have no idea who the people are around me, but they are scrambling around my bed trying to figure out what's going on and how to make it better. 

Amazingly, they do. It takes about twenty minutes, but eventually they sort out whatever got unsorted as I came out of the anesthesia and the pain recedes. Finally, I'm wheeled out of recovery and returned to my room. 

Once I'm back in the room, things get a little absurd. 

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