Tomorrow is my first chemotherapy infusion and I've reached the point where I'm realizing I just cannot begin to imagine what it's going to be like. I've read all the "what to expect" manuals. I've talked to all the people I know who've been dealing with chemotherapy themselves. I can do the rundown on side effects in my head. What I can't do though is project myself into the future to create any sort of idea of what the experience will be like. Or rather, all I can project into the future is my current self and my current self isn't wrestling with any of the side effects of chemotherapy. My current self feels pretty good, and so my assumption is that the same will be true tomorrow when they're dripping weirdness into my new chest port.
How could it be otherwise? How could I not be in a condition to go back to work on Thursday or, more important, use my ticket to Book of Mormon on Thursday night.* What does, say, a low blood cell count, or whatever, feel like? How bad can this be, really?
Truly, I can't even begin to imagine. It must be the pants.
* I bought the ticket to Book of Mormon long before the cancer diagnosis, and they're now very hard to get and impossible to exchange. I'm really hoping the chemo infusion won't prevent me from going to my scheduled show on Thursday.
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