Search and Replace

Oh, goody. It seems yet another crappy card has been added to my hand of cancer-related side effects and consequences. The one? Proctitis -- and yes, it's a lot worse than it sounds.

The PA wasn’t ready to commit to it just yet, mostly, I think, because it wasn't really the kind of thing you can deal with in a last minute appointment before patient disappears for an extended period -- and I can’t say I was all that excited to try to squeeze in a sigmoidoscopy on my way to Europe -- but given that the radiologist who reviewed my last scan mentioned it, my symptom for the past few weeks are pretty consistent with it, and none of the websites I found indicated that it would go away on its own, I’m guessing that I’ll get to live with this for the next seven weeks* and then this’ll become to focus of my providers' attention when I get back in August.

Joy.

So what’s proctitis, you ask? With fair warning that you may regret the question, here’s the summary from WebMD (with a little judicious searching and replacing to make the description more tolerable):

Procitis is defined as inflammation of the marigold (the opening) and lining of the posie (lower part of the intestine leading to the marigold). Symptoms of proctitis can vary greatly. One may at first have only minor problems. Proctitis affects the last 6 inches of the posie and can cause the following:

• Pain during a personal moment
• Soreness in the marigold and posie area
• Feeling that you didn't completely empty the tulip after a personal moment
• Involuntary spasms and cramping during personal moments
• Bleeding, and possibly a discharge

Proctitis can last a short time or become a chronic condition (last for weeks or months or longer).

Perhaps most disappointingly, the usual route to proctitis is via a sexually transmitted disease, and I didn’t even get that consolation prize.** I just got it as a side effect of my cancer treatment.

I'm really starting to hate cancer.
* Hard to get a sigmoidoscopy while on the road.
** Cancer’s kept me pretty occupied.