The GCW Tour, A Few Bits of the UK and Ireland: Dublin Tourist Destination #3, Disneyland

Ok, it wasn't actually Disneyland, but it felt a lot more to me like the Haunted Mansion ride than it did any other factory tour I've ever been on.

I'm speaking, of course, of the Guinness tour...

(And for the record: no, they boys didn't drink Guinness; and, actually, they were far from the youngest kids I saw on the tour.)

To get to the tour, you walk through and around what is now some eighty acres of Guinness operations in Dublin...

The tour takes place in that building in the distance with the round glass room on top of it. As you enter, you immediately go down to the basement where you queue up for tickets. Despite what the website implies, it's self-guided tour so times do not sell out; they just keep sending people in.

Once you pass through the gates you enter what has to be one of the world's largest gift shops. I was a little floored by how much Guinness crap one could buy. While you stand there being overwhelmed, you eventually notice a countdown clock to an orientation. About every ten minutes they collect the newbies into the center of the floor, under that glass room some eight floors up, to help get them going.

Until 1988 this building was part of the factory. At that point, it was switched from beer manufacturing to tourist farming. They tore out the central core of the building, and built "the world's largest pint glass," a circular structure of glass and steel that culminates in the Gravity Bar at the top (the glass circle), which provides 360 degree views of Dublin.

You start in the basement and essentially circle your way up the floors past a set of exhibits. It's mostly decontextualized machinery, thrown up with a lot of slogans and very brief video snippets. The lighting is kept low, you're kept moving, and it's about as educational as a random public service announcement you might see on TV. 

My favorite bit was this one...

Around the room are TVs playing videos of people talking about Guinness. It's pretty clear the people are actors -- not too many extant videos of cabbies from the 1840s remain, I don't think -- but I assumed they were actors playing real people.

Nope. 

As you leave there's a little sign on the wall stating that all the people are fictitious, and any resemblance to anyone, living or dead, is purely coincidental. But, you're told, the words they've said are words that someone like them might've used. 

Uh, sure. Why not?

Truly, I felt like I was on one of the pretty, yet boring, rides at Disneyland. But there are bars on three of the floors and your ticket gets you a free pint of Guinness or a soft drink, so I guess that's something. You won't really learn anything, but you'll get a beer. 

When you're done, the back stairs or elevator (the escalators through the exhibits only go up) take you back down to the gift shop and out.

At least we were there late in the day, so the crowds were pretty thin. I'm not sure I could've taken it with another thousand or so people in the building.