A Simple Test to Determine Whether or Not You Qualify as a Cancerous Do-It Yourselfer

I have identified the definitive test for determining whether or not an individual qualifies as a do-it yourselfer with cancer. There's just one question:

When faced with the project of constructing a piece of flat pack furniture* that relies entirely on bolts to hold it together, which tool(s) will you need to use to build it:


A. The little wrench that came with the unit.
B. The screwdriver from your tool set.
C. The socket wrench from your tool set.
D. B & C

Have your answer? Okay, let's interpret the results:

If you chose A, you may be a DIYer, but you don't have cancer. The little wrench takes forever to use and if you had cancer you'd collapse with exhaustion long before you got the unit built. 

If you chose B, you're either not a DIYer or you're MacGyver. To the best of my knowledge, there's no way you can employ a screwdriver to tighten a bolt, so, unless you're more creative than I, if you choose the screwdriver you're going to wind up with a pile of parts rather than a piece of furniture.

If you chose C, you're definitely a DIYer, but again, you don't have cancer because if you had cancer you'd find that you can't actually get the sockets out of the tool case. They're small, slippery, and tightly wedged into their little homes. Weak, neuropathetic fingers don't have the ability to evict them. 

This leaves D. If you chose D, you're correct. While the sockets remained jammed in their homes, it is possible to pull the screwdriver, with it's large no slip handle, from its home in the case even with neuropathy in your fingers. Once you've got the screwdriver, you can use that to pry the sockets from the case, and then use the sockets to build the unit. 

At some level, it seems cancer is all about adapting to the things you can no longer do. 


* As a friend put it, "ah, Ikea..."