House Rules

(Fair warning: Some of those reading this are going to find it less than cheery, but if you have plans to stop by my condo at any point you may want to slog through it. It'll save some unnecessary surprises.)


Over the course of the past week I've come to realize that I've reached the point where it's time for some house rules. As a result, I'm posting the notice below on my front door. I'm posting a copy here, not because it's relevant to anyone not planning to stop by, but because most of the people who do stop by are also reading the blog and this will give them something of a heads up, thus helping to prevent any unexpected emotional breakdowns on my front porch.

Please read beforeringing the doorbell

Hi!

The occupant of this upstairs unit (that’s me) has terminal cancer. It’s no biggie -- that’s life (& death) -- and I’m not looking for sympathy. I am, however, looking to minimize the number of times I have to walk up and down the stairs behind this door. So please…

If you’re delivering a pizza –- Ring the bell. No doubt I’ve got visitors and someone will be right down.

If you’re here to make a pitch for a candidate, advocate for an upcoming ballot position or otherwise talk politics –- Can we just not? I know how I’m voting, will be doing so just as soon as I get my ballot, and a three minute conversation with a stranger isn’t going to change anything. But it’ll send me to bed for a two hour recovery nap. The only thing ringing my doorbell will result in is a letter to your organization with a few strong words and a copy of this notice.

If you’re here to sell me something, ask for a charitable donation or otherwise separate me from my money –- Again, let’s just not. Given my situation, I’m not going to subscribe to anything, upgrade my broadband, upgrade my cellphone, make a donation, or anything similar. You’ll just be wasting my time and yours.

If I know you and you’re expected -– Just come in (the door is sticky; it helps to push at the bottom corner with your foot), give a shout and come on up.

If I know you and you’re unexpected –- Same as above, but you might wait for me to shout back before you head up.

In all other cases -– Ring the bell, but be patient. It may take a minute or so for me to make my way down.

One last thing:

Please, please, please don’t let the cat out. I really don’t have the energy to track her down and fetch her back.

Thanks for your understanding,

john