A Few More Words on Contrast Agents

They suck.

So it turns out that I did have to both drink a liter of contrast agent, as well as having it pumped in intravenously. It turns out that the barium "milkshake" (we'll come back to that in a moment) they have you drink lights up your gastrointestinal system, while the iodine agent they give you intravenously lights up your vascular system. And since in my case they wanted to examine both systems, I got both agents. Lucky me.

I've written previously about the intravenous agent, so I won't bother going through that again, but the oral agent deserves a few comments.

When you arrive at the check in desk they check your records and tell you that you need to drink a barium milkshake -- well, two actually -- before they can scan you. You have three options: banana, vanilla, and berry. Trust me when I say that those are more marketing descriptions than they are flavors. I started with berry and then transitioned to vanilla. In both cases, to my mind the more accurate flavor description would be toxic waste. 

So they give you this stuff in a canister that must hold half a liter or so, stick a straw in it, and send you to the chairs to read a magazine and sip. The texture is slightly thicker than one of the powdered diet shakes or protein drinks you can buy, but far from what I'd consider "milkshake" (which may be a good thing). And they refrigerated it, which had me slightly terrified, but did serve to force me to drink it very, very slowly. (And very nicely, they wrap the canister in a wash cloth so you don't have to touch it with neuropathetic fingers.)

And sure, at the first sip you might think, "Hmm, that vaguely reminds me of a berry/vanilla candle," but by the second or third sip, you're thinking, "Nope, this is toxic waste."

And after a couple of hours, your gastrointestinal system will agree, and begin attacking you with weird cramps and stabbing pains. Fun!

Very definitely not a fan of the barium milkshake. But I suppose it could've been worse; could've been a barium enema.