Just In Time For Oktoberfest

Today's milestone: the return of beer (well, until the next cycle). Provided I take the following steps, it's once again possible to drink beer:

1. Wait until my throat stops seizing if I drink anything colder than lukewarm water.

2. Wear a glove and use a towel to remove the bottle from the refrigerator and get it open. Under no circumstances touch the bottle with a bare finger.

3. Pour the beer into a room temperature glass that's large enough to have at least an inch or two of glass that doesn't touch the beer.

4. Wear a glove and only touch the part of the glass that isn't touching the beer.

5. Drink the beer very, very slowly. 

In the words of Homer Simpson, "To alcohol! The cause of -- and solution to -- all of life's problems."